they're okay
September 11, 2001 03:54 PM

Everything has gone completely surreal. War of the Worlds returned and I met it with a cluster of school superintendents panicing and running home to close schools and flip everything upside down.

But my dad is okay. He's okay. And he won't have to go to New York or out just in general. Because he had a minor heart thing, and he's okay really, and you can't be called back if you're in the hospital or at least if you are, it's a good sign you're not headed to war. But I still can't believe they didn't call me last night.

They didn't call me. But he's okay. A hundred pound sack of relief has been poured all over me. I'm sticky with it.

The unique, selfish dilemma of military childhood is that repetitive instant of "Where is he (or she, now)?". And that recognition. He's okay. This doesn't apply to him. You can't be a military kid without knowing that selfish, personal aspect of violence.

I meant, today, to write about seeing O and how violence is never truly inhuman, and rarely without motive. I meant to talk about how easy it is to put aside real violence and watch a film that shows similar things, shows how violence grows from human emotion, and ignore that you feel sympathy for the protagonist. That you can understand. Because movie violence we can understand, and real violence seems without meaning, without motive. We think inhuman but have done our own inhuman things we won't always admit.

I meant to talk about those things but can only think "He's okay".

People are walking down streets or sitting in offices wondering. Without the recognition. I know how they feel. It feels like the worst thing ever.

I wish they could all know. He's okay. She's okay. This doesn't apply to them. But some of those waiting. Soon, if not already, will be sticky with salt and anything but relief.

« september | Main | more words »
in this section
back to archives
October 2004
August 2004
June 2004
March 2004
February 2004
January 2004
December 2003
November 2003
October 2003
September 2003
August 2003
July 2003
June 2003
May 2003
April 2003
March 2003
February 2003
January 2003
December 2002
November 2002
October 2002
September 2002
August 2002
July 2002
June 2002
May 2002
April 2002
March 2002
February 2002
January 2002
December 2001
November 2001
October 2001
September 2001
August 2001
June 2001
March 2001
February 2001
January 2001
December 2000
August 1996
August 1995
July 1993
April 1993
August 1992
May 1992
October 1989
July 1987
January 1987
September 1984
July 1982
more info
email me
design by seven ten
about the site wicked thoughts edge of the season arts links we have brains