dad's food
December 22, 2000 03:38 PM

So my MacDonald's breakfast this morning (hash browns and that oh-so-my-dad comfort treat sausage biscuit) came in a bag that said "hot, fresh, and just for you". Those are not words that make me think "breakfast". Those are words that make me think "phone sex".

I can't believe our children are seeing this trash!

Actually, what surprises me is that no one has found this offensive enough to make a major news issue about it. Considering how spastic and prudish our culture is about sexuality, you'd think some suburban mom would flip out about this. Maybe my mind is just in the gutter, and other people think "hot, fresh, and just for you" is just a good slogan for breakfast biscuits.

My breakfast was good. Being a teenager and getting up early on a Sunday morning good. Having a morning doctor's appointment the summer I broke my leg good. I have so many food memories. Thinking about the articles I read in (They're my mom's magazines, really! It's not my fault!) Martha Stewart and such, I think most Americans have a ton of food memories. No wonder we're all so schizophrenic about food and dieting.

I used to love going to MacDonald's for breakfast. It was a dad thing. Mom doesn't believe in breakfast; she eats cupcakes and orange juice, occasionally a banana. Breakfast with dad is a religious event. His theory of omelets: "everything tastes good with eggs, therefore everything must be in the omelet." Or something like that. The contents of an average dad omelet: ham, cheddar, parmesan, onions, bacon, sausage, tomatoes, fresh and/or dried jalapeno peppers, hash browns, sauteed mushrooms, salsa, and last night's dinner.

Anyhow, we went out for breakfast when my mother was out of town. We also only cooked seafood under those same circumstances. My dad likes those lemon-shaped lemon drops. And their wealthy French cousins, les bon-bons Napoleon. I still get a sack of those everytime I go to the amusement park.