particle theory
March 17, 2001 02:50 PM

People collide.

I was thinking this last night. As I sat with a boy I know from college. A boy I haven't seen in 4 years. We talked in the same fun way as ever.

Then there's the other boys. My best friend's best friend's best friend and that crew. The people we know seem like miraculous accidents. How the hell we met. Collided and repelled. Or. Joined.

The people we knew. And don't anymore. Collide. Repel.

On a macro level, things seem so random. Well, sometimes. As present as I believe free will to be. Still. Randomness. Might not then particles have a sort of free will? If they have something resemblng consciousness. That is.

Last night I fell asleep thinking I'd replaced my blood with coffee and alcohol. Feeling I knew how it moved through me differently. Faster. More liquid.

Proof that a night has been fun. Proof that it has been.

Now and then I need to remember what I am.

Today the sun is streaming through our filmy curtains. I stirred up dust. The room is alive with tiny sparkling bits of light. They're dancing, light in air. They're shining in a million colors. And I. I am tiny sparkling bits of light. I am sparkling and dancing.

I am a thin line between water and air. The line, the water, and the air. Waves and particles. Not simply duality. I am the Genius of And. Not simply I. All.

I am secretly operating on an infinitesimal scale. Untouched and completely rearranged by every miniscule event.

Collide and join. Collide. Repel.