i am soluble
March 19, 2001 02:13 PM

I'm staring into my pockets. Thinking about all the millions of things in them. When they seem empty.

Nothing is ever empty.

That includes the proverbial glass. It is neither half full nor half empty. It is all full. Usually. And the cup runs over. And blends into everything around it.

Reassurance. Whatever my macrocosmic world may throw. Tiny things will continue at their alarming rate of change. And. In a way, my macrocosm is just a microcosm of something else.

I am unbelievably tiny. I am astoundingly huge. I really am those feelings from my lucid dreams. Expanding and contracting all over.

A kid, I sat in my wading pool. Imagined my little skirted swimsuit melting into the water melting into the sunlight on the water. Finally, melting into me. I imagined being the sunlight on the water. Realised my skin was waterproof like my swimsuit. That is, not. In my mind, girl and swimsuit were equally porous. Not porous. Soluble. The pool was a girl solution.

Last night we convinced a friend that his girl solution was to clean his room. That being a sign of his readiness. His desire for and acceptance of the girl who doesn't exist yet.

And I think. I don't believe in looking with that much desire. Or rather, I don't believe in looking with that much focus. I desire everything. I do not focus my desires. Things happen. Turn out to be what I wanted all along.

Nothing is ever empty. Nothing is ever. Nothing.

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