going up and down
April 1, 1993 02:10 PM

I didn't expect to start a tradition. But we did, in a way. We three. A sort of tradition that you'd invent feeling like your years spanned everything.

everybody's traveling on a crazy seesaw
going up down up down
so your life goes by
you're either low or high on the

Heady stuff to be seventeen and in charge. In charge of something large and dramatic. And we were newly friends, he my right hand. We were in charge together and spent the hour(s) between class and long nights lingering on art or mall, each with the same weight.

Do you remember that? Climbing stairs in those bounds of yours, you dragged me along. Remember the ugliest painting ever, mustard yellow, remarkable for its fade color and mastery of a full wall. Some relic of decades passed. We would go up and down escalators I think always touching.

I knew the inside and behind of that place. But it learned new layers. Started from a child's glimpses of sarcophagi, grew to pining over boys who might touch a hand folding a great silken streamer, and finally to us hiding from adolescent responsibilities.

It seems the two of you fought, subtly, for my praise or teaching or being the one to let that massive drape fall, or leap to send it back up. But I don't trust the memory. Except the image of him dangling from it, which I must never have seen.

All those platforms and green rust-painted railings. You balanced on anything like a frog. Had I already come to accept that you wouldn't break yourself? Anxiety bred in by an amazing ability to always fall down, always hurt somehow - had you cured me of that?

I lost it somewhere. Stopped falling over, down, wherever. I don't remember everything. But you were there, then an extension of myself.

Literally my right hand. You were stage right.

« do i dare to eat a peach | Main | rosenberg, party of two »
in this section
back to archives
October 2004
August 2004
June 2004
March 2004
February 2004
January 2004
December 2003
November 2003
October 2003
September 2003
August 2003
July 2003
June 2003
May 2003
April 2003
March 2003
February 2003
January 2003
December 2002
November 2002
October 2002
September 2002
August 2002
July 2002
June 2002
May 2002
April 2002
March 2002
February 2002
January 2002
December 2001
November 2001
October 2001
September 2001
August 2001
June 2001
March 2001
February 2001
January 2001
December 2000
August 1996
August 1995
July 1993
April 1993
August 1992
May 1992
October 1989
July 1987
January 1987
September 1984
July 1982
more info
email me
design by seven ten
about the site wicked thoughts edge of the season arts links we have brains