i have amazing friends
June 8, 2001 02:03 PM

Saturday we had the world's tiniest party. The boy's two best friends came over and we had a little potluck. They brought wine and dessert and we made lasagna from a non-existent recipe. We drank and drank and drank. And just talked. It was, after all, a four person party.

There were supposed to be more people, but some had to work, and some were out of town, and some had sick children. I was disappointed at first.

But there is something about being in the company of truly close men. Talk rolls out. They're affectionate and understanding and they listen in ways that men aren't supposed to be and do. Or so say the stereotypes. These different men become so similar sometimes.

I'm not close enough to any group of women to be this way. I've tried to take my amazing female friends from different times and groups and get them together, but there's always awkwardness. They don't see one another's similarities the way I see them. I wish we could just open up and be raucus, the way I hear other women talk about their circles. But I don't get that from women. I get wonderful, all night one-on-one conversations and crazy girly fun that way, but not from a group. I wonder if my circle is just too diverse, or if this is a way in which young women differ from older or from men. Or what? Don't know.

So I get this camaraderie from men. I love that they trust me enough to talk. To have those men conversations with me. I love the ways they think about and look at women. Their confusion, and their understanding, and their patience. I love that the men I know don't talk about emotion and affection like these are women's things. That they see gender realistically, most of the time.

I love that they're different.

I know it's common feminist rhetoric to say that men and women aren't truly that dissimilar. It's practical to say this, since it eliminates the argument that differences in life make sense as differences in law and pay. But it just isn't true. And I wouldn't want it to be.

Because I had a wonderful time with my friends. And I always do.