long month
February 22, 2003 03:16 PM

I've had a long month.

I've been injured. And busy. And sick. And still busy. That's pretty much it. After awhile, those sorts of things can suck all the thoughts out of your head.

At work I have so much to do that I schedule things to do, documents to write, things to plan - two and three weeks in advance. Rather than working twelve-hour days when things aren't actually due, just sitting there needing to be done sometimes.

Then I took this volunteer job months ago that I've only recently come up with a solution for (see, I don't want this job, I shouldn't have taken it, but I can't just quit and strand everyone). My solution? Low expectations: try to set the lowest possible bar for yourself, rather than setting it high and becoming frustrated. When I get frustrated and overwhelmed, I just stop. I become one of those passive aggressive people who won't work, won't tell you the problem, and would never ever ask for help. So. I'm going to get one thing done and try not to worry about the rest.

Sometimes. Also. You start to feel as if you've basically been saying the same thing over and over again. It gets depressing.

I've been sleeping more. Reading. Leading a sort of quiet, reserved life. Shopping. Planning a vacation.

Actually, I did some excellent shopping at the beginning of this month. Many cute spring things. If only.

I am typically thrilled with the onset of February. It's this sense of shifting newness. Only this year: not. So far, February is more snow, more rain, more cold. More all of the things that I live in the South to avoid.

Let me say one thing: I hate sweaters and pants. I hate separates. I want dresses and fucking sandals to be back in swing. I have a red polka dot sundress that makes me think of the Animaniacs [Polka, Dot?] and needs some bright, forties-style, platformish sandals. I want to wear it.

I hate winter. I'm tired of wading through ice.

And hippies. And children with viruses. Breeding grounds for disease.

And sweaters. Especially turtlenecks.

And January that keeps going until March.