the panic king
September 27, 2002 11:36 AM

I have issues.

I know, you're shocked. But I do.

I think this pretty much epitomizes the issues we're here to discuss today.

That, my friends, is me in the midst of my fifth birthday party. Or my sixth. Or my eighth. If I were larger in that picture, it could be me on my birthday in college.

It's true. I have a history as the quintessence of it's my party and the cliches you might associate with that.

The concept of Birthday has been elevated to ritual in my family. Meaning my parents, but also my own household. Birthday is a really big deal. And that's just the problem with it, isn't it?

In any case, I'm having this party tomorrow and, because it's my birthday, this is the time at which I should start to worry that no one comes, no one likes me, it's costing too much money, the house is a mess, and I don't know what to do with my hair.

But I'm just too tired from work. I haven't had a night this week without something scheduled, I started completely panicking about work yesterday, I'm going to Texas next week while all sorts of crazy work things are happening, and I think I'll just sleep all day Sunday.

Might I add - there appears to be no acceptable-looking way to spell the gerundive of "panic". There's pan icing, which is not only incorrect but doesn't sound very tasty. Or there's panic king, where the K, though right, appears completely demented. What is wrong with this word?

There are times, I don't think you'll be surprised to know, when I feel I might be the panic king.

This is not one of them. I'm too distracted by the shear number of things I could be insane with worry over that I'm not worrying about much at all.

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