i wonder that you know even five
September 19, 2002 12:49 PM

I am, I am certain, an accomplished young ladywoman.

And yet I don't speak well of myself. I can do it sounding funny. Sounding arrogant. Sounding self-deprecating. But I do not advertise myself, seriously, well.

I've typically found the people who do this well. Or those who are eager to do it. Irritating. Annoying. It's not that I think it's an expression of arrogance.

I don't know. I think. I think that I just feel it's supposed to be hard to sell yourself. Look at the words: Sell. Yourself. Our puritan roots say that's terribly, terribly wrong. And our capitalist hearts say yes, of course.

In any case, it's the time of year when we're asked to support the theory that we should be paid more by enumerating our accomplishments and thrillingly positive personal traits. Puh-lease.

I am consoled by the idea that everyone finds ticking off a list of everything done in such a way as to say "Yes, I am your God - but also your willing slave" quite difficult. And in fact, my boss has been known to have me write these same things for her, as many past bosses have done.

So. The truth must be. That I am in fact, quite good at the whole serious self-promotion thing. Just only in writing.

In other news.

I have a gold badge. You get a gold badge if you're special enough, a silver badge if you're not quite, and a paper badge if you're not special at all.

Gold and silver badges, really. I mean, really. They feel like adult sticky stars.

See, I'm accomplished. I have a gold star on my right lapel, positioned just so it sticks out and says "I am so special" when I shake your hand.

Don't feel too bad, though. My gold badge bit me last night as I was putting it into my handbag. I have a little half-healed gash in my right third finger.

You can see a lesson in that if you like.