oh, no.
April 30, 2002 10:04 AM

The past two days have felt like weeks.

They may have been weeks, time being what it is.

What scares me. What brings about the "oh, no" of it all. Is that the perceived length of these days is primarily a result of work. Work has been long, sometimes challenging, always hard to keep under control.

Of course, the magic of working for an uber-company as opposed to a small software shop is that, while the perks are less unique and the aura of fun is clearly affected, the work never sucks you into it in that way that makes you imagine yourself spat back out.

Or so they say.

We're not talking fate of the world in balance, here. But I may have been sucked in. At least enough that I'm not worrying about the apartment or the big huge day tomorrow. I just don't have the energy to freak out about these things; I've been too absorbed in what I'm doing.

But I also hear this inner voice concerning itself with things like whether other people totally have it together or are scrambling around trying to answer my questions on the other side of that handset. It's not even a "ha, funny" concern. I think's it's legitimate wonder, worry, whatever.

Last night I caught myself thinking about a problem I needed to solve and how I was going to approach it in a long-term, proactive sort of way. This is supposed to be the old me. The new me is supposed to drop the little concerns of work off in a little box as she slides into her car each evening - promptly at five.

I came in late yesterday, and still managed to work a solid eight hours. I'd meant to use some sick time (as I was, in fact, sick), but I ended up working so late I didn't need it.

See? See what I mean?

Oh, no.