***my photos of the march***

04 February
critical hipster approves of red envelope
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I ordered my mom flowers from Red Envelope, a posh gift-shipping site that someone from my old tech company introduced me to a long time ago.

And I have to say, I'm really impressed. First, they were the only place I could find that would deliver daffodils at this time of year (strange, given that I wanted those specific flowers in the first place because they're the ones I used to buy her in bunches for her birthday from the flower shop up the street from my parents' old house). Then, they delivered them almost instantly and in perfect condition. They're as pretty as the picture on the website (and that pretty much never happens with anything else you send).

Rarely do I want to send a "traditional" gift like flowers or something sterling silver and engraved, but I would definitely use this site again next time. Cause when it's your mom, it has to be perfect. Hey, that should be their slogan!

 

24 November
critical hipster declares "metrosexual" in death throes
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There is no doubt in my mind that the appearance of any pop culture phenomenon as a lead item on the local news in my town is a sure sign of the death of that trend.

So, imagine my pleasure upon hearing the advert for the 11:00 news last night... "blah blah blah metrosexual blah blah local men blah" (or something like.

Metrosexuals! On the local news! I give it six weeks, tops (on the 6:00 news, it's got three weeks, on the noon news it's already dead).

That's right, kids! The formerly hip new term for a man who likes women, decorating and clothes is now officially on the outs. Good riddance. That term, that concept, had become such an idiotic way to embarass and stereotype men (of both preferences).

I know it was a sign, in part, of the permeation of straight culture by gay culture. But it would be a more hopeful sign if the culture of gay men were adopted by straight men without so much effort at differentiation and irony. "Metrosexuality" is just so heavy-handed. Pfft.

 

23 March
critical hipster on smoking, latin and running
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You know you've smoked too much or been around too many smokers for too long in the evening when you take a shower, change all your clothes, and still smell smoke.

It's like the smell gets in your lungs and pumps back out to your tastebuds as you breathe. Not unlike bearded people who get sauce on their chins and make repulsive comments about "saving some for later". Please. Get a napkin.

Yes, I can almost understand career non-smokers (I'm an amateur) and their attitude about second-hand fumes.

Smoking is still chic, though, kids - no matter what the kooky gang from the American Legacy Foundation tell you. Smoking will always be hip; it comes with centuries of salons, Vicious Circles, and other critically hip gathering fora.

Speaking of fora, proper pluralization of Latin and Greek words is all the rage. That's right, boys and girls: it's not "agendas" ("agenda" comes pluralized already) or "forums" or "axis'" - or any of the other bastard pluralizations tossed about your office. Put them away. Someone might get hurt.

And speaking of smoking: you know what's really not critically hip? Running. Particularly the pretentiousness of runners who babble about how they're safer on the environment than other sports. They still buy shoes made from polluting chemicals and by indigent workers in sweatshops. Also, their shorts are very unflattering.

Critical hipsters only run (preferably in chunky heeled shoes) to practice evading unhip runners and non-smokers who want to pummel us for sending the wrong message to America's children.

 

16 March
critical hipster resigned to new vacation plan
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Here's one for those of you playing the home "Where's April?" game.

Upon reflection, NYC isn't going to work out in May. All the really good experimental theatres have ended their seasons by then. Our inner (and outer) artists rebelled.

We toyed with the idea of going to an island, or Vegas, or something wholly different. The hotels are dreadful (that is, they don't have posh toiletries or ubersoft sheets, but are still just as expensive). Barring a stylish hotel, I could not in good conscience go on vacation.

And yes, I do realize that even having this internal debate is an result of my privileged existence - and the fact that I'm willing to work a "normal" job that most of my friends would never tolerate. I may be a shallow hipster, but I'm not completely dense.

 

10 March
critical hipster seeks hotel, fails.
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We've been tossing around extra ideas about where to go for vacation - because, as it turns out, we just don't feel right going to NYC and not seeing any good experimental theatre. Apparently, you have to go in March to catch the good stuff.

So we thought: we'll try some sort of traditional vacation spot. And I have to tell you - almost none of these places are up to my standards, accomodations-wise.

I don't think my standards are that absurd. I just want to come back to a hotel with space, a funky - or at least semi-funky - aesthetic appeal, a yummy bathroom with quality toiletries, and a big cushy bed with high thread count sheets.

I need a room with character and comfort.

We're lazy on vacation. I don't want to wake up at seven in the morning thinking "Ick, where am I?"

Apparently, that's not an option if you want to stay in any conventional vacation spot: islands, Los Vegas, whatever. I suppose that's a sign to us critical hipsters: if we want to tour with the other tourists, we're just going to have to put up with polyester floral bedspreads.

Alas.

 

this is just the meaningless drivel i was looking for!
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I generally refrain from comment on the latest news about weblogs. There are many more interested, qualified people who can actually say something useful about those things.

But, I was struck - and amused - by my own reaction to a CNN article about the mainstreaming of blogs as it was delivered to me via BrozNews; today.

Broz says:
Oh goody. Blogging has gone "mainstream." More web sites describing peoples' boring lives.

At which I, of course, take great umbrage.

And then I say (to myself, fortunately):
My life is not boring! Who are you to say, O Great News Curmudgeon? And your site is rather a blog, too, so - bah!

Very silly. It gets better!

And then CNN says:
Terra Lycos last month introduced publishing tools to help people launch their own blogs. America Online is expected to offer a similar service to its 35 million subscribers later this year.

To which I say:
Oh, goody. Push-button publishing for people who don't even know how to open Internet Explorer.

The future of blogging: we'll all be full of shit and convinced that our way is better and that we're much, much smarter than all the other kids.

 

21 February
critical hipster appears on scene.
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I was on the Metro with my parents after Christmas looking askance at my non-urban Mother's exuberance about the ease and excitement of riding an underground train when I realized it.

I am a critical hipster.

I'm one of those people who actually do slightly look down on anyone who wears running shoes or sweatpants outside the context of a workout. I'm not mainstream fashionable, and certainly not mainstream attractive, but there's a small part of me that overanalyzes every shallow detail and pronounces it yes or no.

Of course, critical hipster in the context of my experience means that Margaret Cho is a yes and The Gap is a no. It's quirky. But it is, while humorous, undeniably critical.

In any case. I'm introducing a new category into the ironically not daily blog: critical hipster. It's for all these snitty little pronouncements of style that I, your arbiter elegentia, would make all the time - if only I knew I wouldn't be taken seriously, that you wouldn't think I was actually looking askance at you. It's not like I'm the penultimate of cool, after all.

So. Take this all with a teaspoon of salt, mixed with a glass of hot water and gargled till your throat feels all warm and coated.

 

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