critical hipster on smoking, latin and running
March 23, 2003 01:49 AM

You know you've smoked too much or been around too many smokers for too long in the evening when you take a shower, change all your clothes, and still smell smoke.

It's like the smell gets in your lungs and pumps back out to your tastebuds as you breathe. Not unlike bearded people who get sauce on their chins and make repulsive comments about "saving some for later". Please. Get a napkin.

Yes, I can almost understand career non-smokers (I'm an amateur) and their attitude about second-hand fumes.

Smoking is still chic, though, kids - no matter what the kooky gang from the American Legacy Foundation tell you. Smoking will always be hip; it comes with centuries of salons, Vicious Circles, and other critically hip gathering fora.

Speaking of fora, proper pluralization of Latin and Greek words is all the rage. That's right, boys and girls: it's not "agendas" ("agenda" comes pluralized already) or "forums" or "axis'" - or any of the other bastard pluralizations tossed about your office. Put them away. Someone might get hurt.

And speaking of smoking: you know what's really not critically hip? Running. Particularly the pretentiousness of runners who babble about how they're safer on the environment than other sports. They still buy shoes made from polluting chemicals and by indigent workers in sweatshops. Also, their shorts are very unflattering.

Critical hipsters only run (preferably in chunky heeled shoes) to practice evading unhip runners and non-smokers who want to pummel us for sending the wrong message to America's children.

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