adventures in footwear
March 5, 2002 01:02 PM

I have to say, I can't believe anyone would choose to wear trouser socks instead of, well, socks.

They're deeply disturbing. I wore, for the first time in my life I believe, trouser socks yesterday. On account of I was wearing trousers. [There's no attractive word for that article of clothing, is there? Pants. Slacks. Trousers. No wonder I so rarely don them.] I wore these so-called socks thinking they'd be not unlike knee socks, which I like. But thinner, and therefore more comfortable. This was my hypothesis.

But no. They have a habit of making your calves feel, not like you're wearing something over them, but like they're encased. Little calf sausages.

Today I'm not doing much better. I got an adorable pair of mary janes while visiting the family last weekend. Given my choice, I'd wear these barelegged or with knee socks (or even those little white lace-edged socks I made the actresses in my play wear once, the ones we dripped fake blood on), but it's cold, and I work in a corporate office, so neither of those options works. Instead, I wore neutral hose. [Again, something there is no attractive word to describe. Maybe there's a lesson in this?]

I don't buy these often, but I recall liking the control top ones, just as I like control top tights. They stay up better, aren't prone to that rolling down your tummy effect. But these hose. These are extra-strong control top, which appears to mean they have a stubborn streak. They clearly would prefer to roll not only down my tummy but right off my body entirely.

The things we'll wear. You have to wonder why.